I absolutely love going through my archives. Asides the fact that it’s a good way for me to express myself, it also reminds me that things change. Nothing is ever really permanent and certain feelings really do go away 🙂

When you’re younger, you dream about getting older. You pray for growth and wish away your childhood. All in the hope that adulthood is just as good as the fantasy you’ve dreamed.

Then you grow, and adulthood comes along with all the added responsibilities. Suddenly, you find yourself wishing for the good old days of childhood innocence. The time when nothing important mattered, and all you could feel was the sheer amount of unconditional love your family had to give. You find yourself reminiscing on memories that make you smile.

You stop and maybe you even ask – when did I grow? When did it all change? When did it get so serious?

Maybe your heart might ache, as it screams for that childhood glee. It begs for you to once again be carefree.

Carefree
Running through the cornfields
Making sandcastles on the beach
Trying to catch the wind

Maybe your mind might question all your life choices. What could have been? What does the far future hold?

Future
Maybe then you’d have real castles
Maybe there you’ve overcome your fears

…

Maybe you’d even feel disappointed

…

I see myself running
In a race against myself
And I begin to question
When does this end?

Here I am
Conversing with my reflection
Wondering
Who am I?

…

If I am truly moving
Then why do I feel stuck
In feelings so unfamiliar

Is it still considered growth
If it’s stunted

Somehow, I am reminded by an author, that we do not grow absolutely, chronologically. We grow sometimes in one dimension, and not in another; unevenly. We grow partially. We are relative. We are mature in one realm, childish in another. The past, present, and future mingle and pull us backwards, forward, or fix us in the present…

 There is nothing like returning to a place that remains unchanged to find the ways in which you yourself have altered.”

― Nelson Mandela

That quote could not be any truer.

Realising
That baby steps
Are still steps

Moving
In staggered motions
Is still movement

One day, you’ll become a colourful butterfly.