For a long time…

Happy new month people!!!!

It’s August!!! Can you believe it???? Can you???

Anyway, my blog planner is looking great for the next couple of months (provided life doesn’t have anything else planned for me lol).

I think I’ve finished off all my draft posts and I’ll try to share them all with you as the weeks go by…

Enjoy today’s post.


For a long time, I thought it was my fault – for being there at that time, for kissing him as he dropped me off… for faking that smile as he said goodbye.

For a long time, I blamed myself – for putting myself in that situation.

For a long time, I agreed with my ex – for breaking up with me ’cause of what happened.

‘Why didn’t I scream loud enough?’

‘Why didn’t anyone hear me?’

‘Perhaps I really meant Yes, when I said No?’

Had I known what I know now, maybe I would have been able to speak up, and not run away every time I saw him from a distance at the mall.

Maybe I would have saved more souls like me – who had lost a part of themselves, a part so dear.

For a long time, I scolded myself for allowing him manoeuvre my body in different positions as I gave up… shedding silent tear after tear… waiting for it to all end.

All that time has passed, days, months… years!!! and only now have I healed.

Only now have I been able to forgive myself.

You stole from me
Made me feel worthless
I prayed for death
Ignored the cries from banshee
Hoping my next breath would be my last

I felt empty
Body complete
Yet soul aloof
As I walked round
Searching for what I had lost

I buried my lungs
In puffs of smoke
Drink after drink
Masking pain
With temporary highs

My thoughts swayed
Like the branches on a tree
Breaking off piece by piece
As I died within myself
Starving my roots

Only now have I healed
Only now have I forgiven myself
My smile goes beyond my ears
My heart is lighter
The world is colourful

Now I can wipe
The blood splattered on my wall
Red no longer means danger
Now, I have a new found strength
To help…to help others like me

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8 Comments Add yours

  1. Such an emotional journey Amina!! This struck my heart: “Hoping my next breath would be my last” Awhhhh! 🙂 Keep up the wonderful work, trust me, it will pay off! ❤

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Amina says:

      Aww thanks Lauren it’s so nice to read your comments xxx

      Like

  2. nvsubbaraman says:

    Quite poignant. none in real life should have such experience!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Amina says:

      You’ll be surprised how many people go through this

      Like

  3. dornahainds says:

    Truly Fantastic!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Amina says:

      thank you 🙂

      Like

    1. Amina says:

      Thank you xx

      Liked by 1 person

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