I smile when I stumble on things I wrote in the past… it reminds me of how much I’ve grown as a person…
Back in the day when I used to spill my every emotion into words *insert hysterical laughter here*
Here’s a post from my 2012 archives
Amidst tears… She holds my hands
I am quiet…unsure of what to say.
Innocently I ask, how do you feel?
She chokes on her tears…
I feel sorry for her and stupid at myself for asking such a question.
She looks at me ‘How do I feel?’ She asks
‘How do I feel’ she says?
I feel like my balloon of confidence just burst.
‘How can the one who makes you so happy, be the same one who makes you cry?’
You’re only allowed to do one – make me happy or make me sad.
‘You see’ she said. ‘Sometimes I cannot explain’
‘Perhaps it is because I have done to same to others before him. Maybe this is my reward.’
‘Fortunately or is it unfortunate, that I have chose to fall in love with him? Chosen him to be my one and only? That no matter what he does, or what he says, I’ll still stay?’
I look at her puzzled. I do not understand the gibberish she speaks. What is all this about the same person making you happy and making you sad? That is not what I thought ‘love’ would feel like…
You see unlike her, I have no experience.
She breaks into sobs
I roll my eyes while she’s not watching. I want to just leave her there to wallow in her tears.
‘He pokes at my confidence constantly’
I do not understand her you see, she is one of the strongest women I know
It is for reasons like this I chose not to love
I mean who could love me better than me?
I wasn’t devoid if emotion, I was just different
Seeing her cry made me want to yawn and sleep
‘You don’t get me, do you?’
I looked away
I did not want to get caught up in all her emotion
If he makes you feel so sad, why don’t you leave him?
The regret I felt after I asked that question
The unbearable look she gave me!
“How could you ask such of me” she wailed
Love is all that matters.
** Photo credit – lylyansite